We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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