I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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