Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
