ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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