6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
