My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
