I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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