I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
