Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
