I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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