Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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