I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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