I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
