If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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