this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
