I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
