Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think my cat just said my name.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
