Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
