you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
