why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
