I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have post one night stand depression
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
