My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
