he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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