I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
