another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
