Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
