These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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