$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
