That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
