i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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