They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
