i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
