theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize