i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...