Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.