genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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