Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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