shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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