paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
