sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
