Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
