i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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