im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Will exercising make me less horny?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
