You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
