I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
