my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
