just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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