When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
