The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
