Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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