FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have to summon your inner elephant
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
