mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
