So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
