he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
