i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize