Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
