I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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