Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I believe in your delicious
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize