thus making me awesome and them whores
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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