Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
