I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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