The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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