i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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