After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
