I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish my penis had an off switch
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
