I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
