Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
