I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Two words: nipple clamps
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